I mentioned Rudy in my last post. Now I want to dedicate this song/video by Staind to him. When we met, I was taking way too many pills (prescribed), wasn’t going to doc appointments and was not taking care of myself. I had given up.
If he had not come along, I’d be dead right now. I shutter to think about what would’ve happened if he had not been by my side when I was diagnosed with cancer last fall. It probably would not have mattered because I was already gone.
Now I am back, thanks to him…
He believed, just like GOD knew he would…
He is my muse.
In the world of cancer, NOTHING is black & white, there are always shades of GREY:
Unfortunately, there are also pockets of COLOR:
When you step into a doctor’s sterile, cold and colorless exam room, you just want to turn around, run straight home and climb back into bed. A nice dark bedroom. Away from the needles, invasive x-rays and procedures.
If I, as an adult, become extremely uneasy, just imagine what goes through a kid’s head. Believe you me, when I say that I would take the place of a kid in a heartbeat. They are much too young for this.
My youngest nephew would blurt out ‘not nice’ if something wasn’t going his way. I can relate when it comes to doctors! There isn’t anything nice about being poked and prodded.
My main doctor is a gastroenterologist and liver specialist. During one of our many discussions, he mentioned that he did not get into pediatrics because it was too emotionally taxing. For this sole reason, he only sees adults.
He recommended me for a writing job for the pediatric clinic. I worked with the head pediatric doctor on a special project.
I was in clinic one afternoon and asked if I would like to see an actual ERCP procedure. I got permission from the hospital, procedure doctor and most importantly the parents of a three-year-old boy.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. That poor toddler. It broke my heart and I had to leave before it was over. I couldn’t stomach it. I could see how distressed the parents were. It’s like one of those ASPCA animal rescue commercials: Dogs shivering in the snow. Utter helplessness.
Afterward, the parents were looking quite tired and the toddler was a handful. He was really nasty to everyone, but who could blame him? I didn’t.
These are common sights that can put the fear of GOD into anyone, especially children. I am looking at these pictures from last fall and it feels like I have a million butterflies in my gut.
I am going back after five months in the desert, our winter home this year. It’s a total of 3,400 miles roundtrip. I leave in two days and am full of dread.
So far I know I will have blood draws and ultrasounds right away. Sometimes the not knowing is better than to know.
In 7 days and 1,700 plus miles, I will be ‘home.’
I already can’t wait until next fall when I’m back on the road, heading south to avoid the long, cold and wet winter.
Until then, what gets anyone through this is love, hope, and laughter.