PETER

Being ill is no piece of cake, but there are others out there, the silent ones, that let me know that they have it much worse than I do. I got to live my life, but sadly others never will.

Cancer is a bitch, but abuse is even worse, especially with children. Yet, with cancer, you have a fighting chance and have people around you that care and fight with you, not against.

I posted this on Disqus yesterday:

Sadly, Peter would have had a better chance if he was diagnosed with cancer. Instead, three ‘monsters’ decided his fate.

I’m sorry for Manchester, but there are silent voices that will never be heard nor given a chance. I just want to change one thing in the world before I go and this could be it. How you may ask? Not sure, I respond.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer, so how can I use my GOD given talent to help those of abuse, whether it be a child, the elderly or pets (animals). These three groups have no ‘voice’ in today’s ‘society.’ (I struggle to refrain from calling it worse.)

I think of the movie ‘Grand Torino’ (Clint Eastwood) and think if only.’ I would give up my life to just save one innocent soul.

Don’t praise me for this, cuz I’ve f-cked up plenty in my years and I just want to give back.

So, yes, we are squarely in the middle of ‘terrorist’ situations and it is all too sad, but what about those who suffer in silence?

Peter never got to RULE HIS OWN WORLD.

RIP PETER….

‘SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME…’

 

 

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS

IMG_2374Just lost a writing job today, but with all the doc appointments and such, it happens….(I don’t blame him though.)

My job at the nursing home is fine in that it’s all physical as opposed to writing which is mental. I can do physical because I’m able to forget and I’m so exhausted that nothing matters. With mental, it’s a struggle because the mind wanders and creativity suffers. Ever hear the saying that mental fatigue is much worse than physical? It’s true, especially in my situation.

What people don’t understand is all the mental/emotional anguish that goes along with being ill. Every time the nurse sticks that needle into your vein and the blood fills the vial, your life is suspended with the knowledge that the numbers that come back can make or break you.

Fortunately, I came out on the better side this time. Unfortunately, though, it’s not if, but when the treatments will ultimately have to begin. Not many people understand this.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say, for now. Here’s a NY Times article from 2009 that is still relevant in today’s political upheaval. Although don’t misconstrue ‘upheaval’ because Obamacare did NOT work and believe me, I KNOW!!

Chronic Illness and Work

strong1

BREATHE (2 a.m.)

I actually came to bed four hours ago. It is now 2 a.m. and I am wide awake if you can call it that. The alarm is set for 7 a.m. giving me plenty of time to get ready for my oncology appointment. It feels like this is all I have, for now, writing-wise.

I feel as if I can’t move like if I just turn over, I’ll break. RG is down in front of the television, which is just as well since I’ll probably just toss and turn all night. He asked me if I wanted to still go to my appointment or if I wanted to re-schedule. I actually considered it for a while then figured that I might as well get this over with.

There is such a thing as not wanting to know and I so get that, but I have other major health issues to deal with so maybe it’s best to just go in. Just bite that bullet, so to speak.

It plays like a tennis match in my head. Back and forth over an imaginary net in my mind: I don’t want to know; I need to know; I don’t, I do…Help me Lord.

The one thing that is already freaking me out is the fact that I almost passed out the last time I had to give a blood sample in this very clinic. It was moments before I was officially diagnosed with CLL (a rare form of leukemia).

This song, BREATHE (2 a.m.) has helped me make it through many sleepless nights. Here’s hoping Anna can soothe me to sleep, once again…

 

 

 

 

CLOSE MY EYES

To understand this, you have to really know me.

It’s been a long and rainy two weeks. This is one of the reasons I moved to the desert southwest and why I would never live in places like Seattle: Too much rain, doom, and gloom.

Yet, here I am in the midst of all the gloom, but here is also where my doctors are. Can’t have it all, as the saying goes. In life, it is all about choices. Choices and change.

I see the oncologist this week….

Enough said.

 

 

 

 

NOT MY HEALTHCARE THEY DON’T

Spent all day at the hospital, am totally exhausted and what is in the news?! THIS: http://www.breitbart.com/news/judge-blocks-trump-order-on-sanctuary-city-funding/ !!!

Okay, I am officially pissed and if I had known this before the hospital, I would’ve said something to that Hispanic family on the elevator who spoke NO ENGLISH! I would have said something like, “Oh hey, you know that summer is on its way so make sure you have plenty of I.C.E.!!!” No holds barred!! I’m taking no prisoners any longer! Enough is enough! This was my comment on BREITBART:

“Okay liberal judge who doesn’t give a crap about us Americans (don’t care what your name is), my Medicare and Medicaid benefits will plummet (I have cancer & a feeding tube), while illegals will continue getting my ‘paid for by my own taxes, withheld from my hard earned paychecks’ care, for free?! Go f-ck yourself!!!”

Want access to our healthcare?! Become LEGAL and pay your Social Security and other taxes!! If I have to go through this ‘system,’ so do YOU!!!

Last year I met a lady from Columbia and her mother was coming to live here LEGALLY!! Guess what?! She had to wait for a year or so, after being here, to get the healthcare she needed!! She had a feeding tube also.

I have no problem with this. So why is it these illegals get something for nothing over us?!

PEACE…