WHATEVER IT TAKES

CANCER doesn’t just eat away at your insides, it also can destroy relationships.

The anger that builds can most definitely harm others. I got a triple dose of illness. Enough to last a lifetime and beyond.

First it was an autoimmune disease (’94), then stomach removal (’98) and last fall (’16) leukemia.

Sometimes I feel like I’m losing the battle and lash out at those closest to me. It’s not fair for me, but it isn’t for them either.

This is for Rudy:

 

 

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This is just one example of the views from my apartment in southern Utah. Red rocks, plateau’s and snowy mountain tops, all in one pic. Fluffy white clouds and blue lit skies. I miss it….

I have lived in Chicago, Paris and Colorado, but nothing was as breathtaking as Utah. Lots of undeveloped land, temporate weather and only two hours from Vegas. Almost perfect.

The “Mormon’s” were a pain in the ass, but could be overlooked due to the landscape and the endless opportunities for every and all outdoor recreational activities!

The doctor’s were not the greatest, but that could be overlooked also. I am back with my original doctors in the midwest, but one should never base where they live on friggin’ doctors! Life is way too short for that nonsense….

My parents would love for me to stay with my original docs, but screw that. I see them (docs) once again in the fall and then it’ll be time to hit the road once again. The grass can grow around my headstone when I’m dead, but I’ll be damned if I let the grass grow around my feet while I’m still alive and kickin’!

Believe when I say, ‘when you have your health, you have everything,’ and even though health and time are not on my side, I cannot stand still. I also believe that God puts people you need in your path. I would be dead if it weren’t for my Rudy. He saved me more than once in the past, and continues to, even though I’ve put him through hell?!

Here’s to living life by your own rules and not other’s…keep your head up and keep treading that water for as long as you have to. It’ll be worth it!

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WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS

IMG_2374Just lost a writing job today, but with all the doc appointments and such, it happens….(I don’t blame him though.)

My job at the nursing home is fine in that it’s all physical as opposed to writing which is mental. I can do physical because I’m able to forget and I’m so exhausted that nothing matters. With mental, it’s a struggle because the mind wanders and creativity suffers. Ever hear the saying that mental fatigue is much worse than physical? It’s true, especially in my situation.

What people don’t understand is all the mental/emotional anguish that goes along with being ill. Every time the nurse sticks that needle into your vein and the blood fills the vial, your life is suspended with the knowledge that the numbers that come back can make or break you.

Fortunately, I came out on the better side this time. Unfortunately, though, it’s not if, but when the treatments will ultimately have to begin. Not many people understand this.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say, for now. Here’s a NY Times article from 2009 that is still relevant in today’s political upheaval. Although don’t misconstrue ‘upheaval’ because Obamacare did NOT work and believe me, I KNOW!!

Chronic Illness and Work

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